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Actor’s Can’t Really Complain

John Kruk: From his ESPN.go.com Column

CHEWING THE FAT

I have to tell you, I couldn’t name even one of the big summer movies coming out, and I’m sure that comes as bad news to all the actors and actresses out there.

These new movies are all about special effects and all that junk. If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.

And it isn’t just the science fiction movies. I’m not a fan of the sappy dramas, either. I don’t go to the movies to be touched. I go so I can come out thinking that there are people out there more messed up than me.

I’m talking about the goofy movies. As far as I’m concerned, nothing is better than the three “American Pie” movies.

You never see the casts of those movies on TV, talking about how they “became the character” and how making the movie “was real hard work.” Work? Please. It’s hard to hear people talk about their “work” when they’re getting paid $20 million for a couple of months of “work.”

Kruk’s a big fan of the “American Pie” movies, starring Tara Reid.

When I drive up to Bristol on Sundays to do “Baseball Tonight,” I tell my son I’m going to work. What else am I supposed to tell him? But when I say it, I feel like an idiot. I’m going to sit around with a bunch of guys and talk baseball. It’s more like being at a bar than going to work.

Getting back to all you actors out there: You’re not going to work. You want to know why? I don’t know anybody who gets a do-over at “work.”

There’s no “cut, let’s do that take again” at any office I know about. Same thing for sports. I’m sure there are plenty of pitchers in the majors who wouldn’t mind a do-over now and again.

What about Martha Stewart? Or Enron? I bet those guys would take a mulligan if they could.

I’m not trying to kill all the entertainers out there. It’s a pretty good job, and a great living. I know they have to study and do a lot or preparation for some of their roles, but there certainly isn’t the same amount of pressure that the rest of the world feels.

You want to see a real movie? Watch one where they film the movie being made. Not just the funny outtakes that they show during the credits sometimes. Show the bad and the ugly, too, and let people watch it live. I’d love to see how Keanu Reeves would react if 20,000 people booed him when he messed up his lines.

That would give these people a little perspective on what work is.

I did the movie “The Fan” with Wesley Snipes back in 1996; and I’ll tell you, these guys can act. But under pressure? Forget it.

There was one scene where Snipes was up at the plate, and I was on deck. To make it look real, the director had about 5,000-to-10,000 people in the stands. So Snipes is at the plate, and I notice his leg is shaking.

The director yells “Cut!” for whatever reason, and I went up to Snipes to see what was up. He tells me he’s nervous. He’s never done anything in front of this many people.

I tell him this is nothing. In any season, you have crowds five times this big watching you. Still, he tells me there’s no way he could ever do it.

Wesley Snipes struggled to perform in front of the fans.

Yeah, well there’s no way I could be an actor. I could never sit around for months and do nothing.

Here’s one more reason why making movies isn’t half of what actors say it is. Let’s go back to “American Pie.” With the exception of Tara Reid, they took a bunch of minor league actors no one had heard of and made a hit. You could never do that in sports.

Every year, someone in the media asks if the No. 1 college team in the country could beat a team like the Chargers. Here’s your answer: No. Never. That goes for every sport. You can’t take a bunch of no-names and play at the highest level. It’s impossible.

So next time an actor wants to come on TV to talk about how he’s saving the world by making a movie, maybe he should just stay in his trailer, instead.

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You all remember John, he was a member of the “The Best Damn Scab Show!” Hmmm, it seems that all of the FAT that John has been chewing has gone to his HEAD!

A.L. Miller SW Editor & Chief WOOF !